Life Goes On
by eat-sleep-write
Summary: Clara was all alone since the accident that took her best friend's life, until one night when a dream changed everything... *rating slightly elevated for caution* review if you can please.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

* * *

Pain.

Physical pain. Emotional pain.

I wouldn't have been able to tell you which caused the most hurt. I wouldn't have been able to tell you my name.

The roaring silence seemed to crush me as the chaos unfolded. We were on our way to a soccer game. Just like every Friday night. The high school league was in the playoffs, just like last year. And the year

before that. We were going to see the game. Just like always. The sky was overcast and it was raining. Matt was driving his jeep. I'd just looked down for an instant-a split second to change the radio station.

When I looked up again all there was to be seen was a pair of headlights. They were in the wrong lane, they were going too fast. It was too late. Matt yelled my name. I can hear the panic in his voice still. He

threw his arm out to protect me. The cars collided. We slid on the slick roads and nose dived into the ditch. The momentum carried us forward and we flipped upside down. The car spun on its hood in the stained

grass. I remember the sound of shattering glass, crunching metal, my screams, and Matt's yells abruptly cut off as the car hit a tree and bent around it in a murderous hug on the driver side. His side. Pain filled my

consciousness and my senses were swamped by it. That's when the silence came. I couldn't hear the sirens, I didn't think there were any. Legs appeared in my fading view. A stranger's voice filtered through the

confusion, but I didn't hear any words. I knew in my heart Matt was gone. I knew because where my heart should've been was a hollow pit. It's beating kept me alive enough to feel myself dying. The rain was red

as it poured through the car and washed over me. Hands unhooked my seatbelt and I wondered idly where my door had gone. More hands pried me from the wreckage. The pain increased as they took me away

from Matt. I think I screamed, but I don't remember it. My tears mixed with the rain and the paramedics struggled with me. I suppose I must've been fighting them. I've no idea where I found the strength. Two of

them carried me and set me on a stretcher. They held my writhing form as a third paramedic strapped me down. They were speaking to me, but no words could penetrate the shock. I was alone. Until I heard his

voice. Matt's voice. It was a quiet whisper, but it was real, I know it was, because nobody else would've been able to break through. _"Let them help you…"_ I felt Matt's breath brush my ear. Something sharp stung

my arm, and then I floated away into darkness before I could respond to my best friend. My dead best friend. Who'd just spoken to me…


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

* * *

I woke up a week later in a hospital room. My voice was still hoarse, I must've screamed a lot. An IV bag was keeping my body fed and the beeping monitor kept track of the echoes of my nonexistent heart. The

first thing that hit me was the pain, the second thing was the memories. My heart rate accelerated and my mother appeared in my vision. Her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks were tear-stained. Relief

washed over her when she saw I was awake but worry set in again with one look at me. I must've looked like a ghost. I'm surprised I wasn't one. Time seemed to pass in long stages that flew by in short

moments. A nurse appeared, summoned by my mom. She bustled around and checked all of the machines that I was hooked up to. Apparently there was more than the IV and the heart monitor. After another

increment of time passed my doctor came. He sat down in a chair across from me and told me what was wrong with me. The list was a long one. A broken right ankle, a dislocated left knee, a fractured left hip, four

cracked ribs and the fifth one broken. A broken collarbone and right arm, a fractured nose, two black eyes, and a concussion, as well as many gashes and major bruises. The worst being a deep cut across the

right of my brow and across my side. The worst bruise would ache for weeks any time I moved my chest. Including to breath. The seatbelt had left quite a mark. The doctor told me I was the only survivor. The

driver of the other car was drunk and had died that morning in surgery. My mother was crying again. I felt numb. I looked away from the doctor to the door to see Matt's piercing blue eyes gazing back at me from

the face of his sister. Emma would grow up without her older brother to protect her and comfort her. Her seven year old frame shook slightly from the control it took to not shed a tear. Slowly she walked over to

my bed and rested her hand gently on my cheek. Looking into her eyes I lost all control over myself that I had. I opened my arms for her as the tears poured from me and the sobs wracked my aching body. Emma

crawled into the circle of my arms and she too released all pent up emotion and together we grieved for the man we had loved and lost. The doctor stood and left quietly. I didn't see the pitying look on his face,

nor the way he had to wipe the extra water from his eyes in the hall. My mother left the room as well, I guess the atmosphere was to heavy for her to bear.

One month later I was released from the hospital; confined to a wheel chair while I recovered and bound for physical therapy for many long and grueling months. My friends crowded around me when the nurse

pushed my wheelchair out into the fresh air. They were all smiling at me, but their eyes gave them away. There was a mixture of worry, pity, and confused fear. I already knew life was going to be different, I

already knew it was going to be hard to continue, but it looked like I'd be continuing alone. My friends don't know who I am anymore-I don't know who I am anymore. My mother pulled her car up to the curb and

got out to help the nurse get me in so I could go home. My friends stood to the side and watched silently. None of them had said a word since I'd come out. I suppose none of them knew what to say. I surveyed

them, just as silent. There were only about six people gathered. Most of them had known Matt almost as well as I had. Two of the girls were crying now, tugged into hugs by the others. John, Matt's next closest

friend, was the only one who met my gaze. His eyes were red, but he refused to cry in front of me. Neither of us spoke, neither of us needed to. He knew what I was going through, or close to it. John was the

only one to offer help. He crossed the expanse that separated me from my group of friends. The nurse opened the passenger door and stepped back. John bent down and carefully lifted me from the wheel chair.

No matter how gentle he was, the movement was bound to hurt. I winced and water flooded my eyes, but I wouldn't let myself cry because of the pain. It wasn't worth it. John stepped toward the car and fear

flared up inside me. "Not there," I whispered. John frowned and looked down at me. "What?" "Don't make me ride there." My voice was shaking and it sounded small. John understood and stepped back. "You

have to ride in the car, Clara," John sounded torn. "Don't make me ride up there," I pleaded. The nurse closed the door quietly. "Will you ride in the back Clara? Can you do that?" John asked gently. I nodded my

head slowly and closed my eyes. I heard the nurse open the door to the back seat and then John stepped forward and set me down cautiously. He clicked the buckle into place and backed up. "If you need to talk

about… Matt," John struggled to say his name. "I'm not going anywhere." I would've thanked him, if the pain at simply hearing Matt's name had not swamped me.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

* * *

That was the most I spoke for the next few months. Everybody grieves differently. I spent my time in a silent, daze like consciousness. I wouldn't be able to tell you any of the events that occurred in the past

three months, they were just empty blurs of passing time. I began to fade into the walls. My friends seemed to feel that they were treading on eggshells around me. Eventually they vanished too. Nobody knew

what to say to me that didn't cause pain to flash across my face, nobody knew how to comfort me because I never responded, nobody except Matt knew me well enough for that, and Matt was dead. Every night

since the accident, I've woken myself from screams as the accident replays itself in my dreams. It's gotten to the point that I fear falling asleep, but I can't stay awake forever. The summer was approaching and I

was about to finish my junior year. Matt would be graduating if it weren't for the accident. The night before graduation was bad. All day I watched as seniors talked excitedly about their future plans and their

excitement to be graduating. His memory plagued me the entire day and his death haunted me that night. I put off falling asleep for as long as I could, but around one-thirty I lost my two day battle. It seemed

that I'd only just closed my eyes when I saw the headlights. There was Matt's face, his frightened expression vivid in my mind. The car flipped and spun, heading for the tree. Right before we crashed the scene

changed and I was standing in the middle of the soccer pitch at my high school. It was set up like it would be for graduation tomorrow. A stage was where the goal would've been and chairs covered the playing

part of the field. The stadium was empty except for me and one other person. His back was turned to me, but I knew from the cut of his hair and the slope of his shoulders that he was definitely a he. Cautiously I

walked toward him refusing to hope but hoping anyways. No one else I knew had that exact shade of dusty brown hair. As I drew closer the boy turned around and faced me. There wasn't a trace of fear on his

face now. "Matt?"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

* * *

I couldn't believe what I was seeing, everything felt so real, but I knew it couldn't be Matt, he was dead, and yet… Matt smiled, "You seem surprised to see me," he teased. I stared at him incredulously. "One

doesn't normally expect their dead best friend to show up and talk to them." I blinked forcefully several times. I thought Matt might disappear the instant I closed my eyes, but thankfully he didn't. "I think I've

finally gone crazy." I whispered, reaching my hand out to touch his cheek. I half expected my hand to pass through him, like in the movies, but it didn't. He was solid. Matt laughed again. "I could've told you that

much." He reached up and grasped my hand in his. As I watched him, his face grew somber. "I shouldn't be here," He sighed. Panic rose in my throat, "No! Matt, don't go." I pleaded. It'd been so long since I'd

heard his voice, I wasn't ready to let him go again. My hand clenched his tightly and Matt smiled, but his eyes were sad. "I'm not leaving yet," He spoke quietly and he watched me closely. I guess I looked worse

than I thought. "Oh Clara," He moved our entwined hands up towards me and brushed my cheek with the back of his hand, "What have you done to yourself?" Suddenly I couldn't keep eye contact. "Nothing," I

muttered defensively. "I just have a little bit of trouble falling asleep some nights. Nightmares…" Matt closed his eyes, "I'd hoped you would've been able to recover by now you stubborn girl." He said after a

moment of silence. Again I grew defensive. "It's not everyday somebody loses their closest friend in a car accident." Matt opened his eyes. "How's Rachael?" He asked suddenly. The change of subject threw me

for a second, but I caught on. Unfortunately I had no answer, so I responded with a meek shrug. Matt looked disapproving. "How about Caleb?" When I didn't answer he continued on, almost brutally. "Sophie?

Jessica? Calvin? Aaron?" He rattled off names like he was reading them off of a list. I shook my head slightly. Matt gave me his most piercing look, the one that always seemed to see straight through me, into my

soul. "Clara, what about John?" I winced and looked up. Matt sounded so disappointed. "Sorry," I whispered, "No." Matt shook his head, "You've spent enough time mourning Clara." He reprimanded me sternly,

"Tomorrow you won't wear black, you will smile, and you will live again. You did not die in the accident, please do not waste the gift you were given." I gazed at him silently, and with a slight sense of foreboding.

"I have to go now," He began cautiously; I suspect he was afraid of how I would react. "No, Matt! I just got you back!" I felt the panic rise in me again. "Silly Clara," He smiled fondly, "You will see me again." I

wasn't reassured yet, "So this dream? Is any of it real?" Matt nodded, "And there will be more like this one. It seems it would be more hazardous for your health if I were to stay away from you." I smiled, relieved.

"So I will see you tonight?" I asked. Matt rolled his eyes, but he smiled, "Yes Lara-bug. Now go wish our friends a happy graduation." He said and kissed my forehead as the scene melted away. I blinked my eyes

open into morning glow and smiled. I hadn't heard anyone call me by my childhood nickname in three months. It felt nice to hear it again.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

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Only a few minutes after I'd woken up, I heard an apprehensive knock on my bedroom door, and then it cracked open to reveal my mother. She glanced in cautiously, and once she saw that I was awake, she

pushed the door open fully and walked in. "I know you said that you didn't want to go to the graduation ceremony, but I thought I'd ask you again, just to make sure." The way she spoke and acted reminded me

of someone approaching a frightened animal. For a moment I wondered just what kind of hell I'd been putting her through for the past three months. I sat up and smiled in a way that I hoped would be

reassuring. "Yeah, actually I think I have changed my mind. I think I would like to go." My mother's eyes widened when I smiled and she looked shocked at my response. Slowly she schooled her features into an

expression that I guess was supposed to be free of confusion and worry but didn't quite manage. "Well… good. I'm glad you've decided to go. Um… do you need a ride?" I checked the clock beside my bed and

decided that I could still catch John if I called. "No, I don't think so. I'm going to give John a call and see if he can give me a ride." My mom nodded slowly, eyes wary. "Okay… Let me know if your plans change…" I

smiled again, the feeling felt weird. "Okay mom." After a moment of awkward silence my mom slowly left the room. I saw her shaking her head as if to clear it as she walked down the hall toward the stairs. As

soon as she was gone, I stood up and closed my door. I picked up my cell phone from the dresser and turned it on, hoping there was still battery power left. I couldn't remember the last time I'd charged it.

Luckily, half the battery was still there. I scrolled through my contact list until I found Johns number. I pressed talk and waited. Three rings later John's voice came through the speaker. "Clara?" He sounded more

shocked then my mom had. "Hey John." I didn't really know what to say. What does a person say to their friend after not speaking to them for three months? "Hi," His voice turned cautious, "What's up? Are you

okay?" I laughed quietly, "Yeah I'm doing good. I was wondering if I could get a ride with you to the school for the graduation ceremony?" It was quiet for a moment and then John spoke again. "Sure." He actually

did sound happy that I had asked. "I can't believe you're actually coming. Can you be ready in fifteen minutes?" I smiled for the third time that morning. "Yeah. Thanks." "Anytime," John replied and hung up. I

graved a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt on my way to the shower. Ten minutes later I had finished my shower, brushed my teeth, combed and dried my hair, and was dressed. I glanced in the mirror just before I

left the bathroom and realized the shirt I had graved was Matt's old soccer jersey. I thought about changing, but decided it was fitting that he be represented at his graduation and headed downstairs. My mom

met me at the front door. She still seemed to be walking on a tightrope, but I understood that my sudden change of attitude probably scared her more than my usual silence. She handed me a napkin with a bagel

wrapped in it. "I thought you might want some breakfast before you left." She said, her tone portraying that she was unsure. I reached out and took the bagel. "Thanks mom," I hugged her and then opened the

door and walked out. John was just pulling in. I glanced back at my mom as I climbed into John's truck and grinned. She was still standing where I'd left her, a completely bewildered expression on her face. I

buckled myself in and then looked at John, "You ready?" I asked him.


End file.
